Tagged by rant-model (I just now saw this, sorry I’m so late to the game)
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Name: Jessica Nickname: I often go by Jess (I never go by my photography name) Birthday: February 20th Gender: female Sexuality: bisexual Height: 5’7” Time Zone: Pacific What time and date is it there: 11:03 pm // September 7th Average hours of sleep I get each night: 4-9 it just depends The last thing I Googled was: “achilles Piercing” I was morbidly curious. My most used phrase(s): I don’t know, I have a wide vocabulary. First word that comes to mind: meow (that’s more of a sound though) What I last said to a family member: Hugged my mom and told her I loved her. One place that makes me happy & why: Being in nature because it’s quiet and peaceful. How many blankets I sleep under: 1 Favourite beverage(s): Coffee, tea, sparkling beverages The last movie I watched in the cinema: Guardians of the Galaxy (I am Groot) Three things I can’t live without: Cats, love and nature Something I plan on learning: all the things… A piece of advice for all my followers: Always remember to treat yourself. You all have to listen to this song: blue blue by iamamiwhoami My blog(s): thes0undoflettinggo, porcelainphoto (I don’t do well at maintaining the photography blog though)
I wish I could have just one reliable friend in this world, who could be there for me when I needed them. I’m tired of being the emotional sponge. When I need someone, it’s inconvenient. This is why I gave up on friendships years ago.
I’m on day 5 of Sertraline (Zoloft). The anti anxiety factor is definitely helping already. I’m not having many side effects. Except for it’s making me really tired, which kinda sucks. So coffee is my friend. Years ago I was the kind of person who was afraid to be medicated. Now I realize, I have to be if I want to function at all within the concept of “normal”.
Thank you to everyone who reached out to me recently in regards to the personal post I made last week. It meant a lot to me. I’m doing okay. Battling my daily demons. I’ll try and keep you updated once I get on an anti anxiety medication. But really, thank you guys. Your support was a reminder that not everyone in the world is an asshole. Thank you for caring. ♥
I recently deactivated my facebook. Something I had been wanting to do for a long time. But I isolate myself from everyone in real life (with the exception of my boyfriend whom I live with). Facebook was a distraction to keep me thinking I had a lot of friends. In real life, it comes down to 2 actual friends. And I can’t even open up properly to them. I spend a lot of time putting up walls and keeping secrets about myself from everyone around me. I’ve done this as long as I can remember. I think I really do have mental illness to the point where I can’t function “normally”. I haven’t had a job in about 5 years (I have financial help from family right now). I’m going to community college, but I’m taking art classes because I’m afraid to take anything else. I’m doing that just to make it look like I’m doing *something*. Because I got tired of people asking me what was going on in my life and me answering, “nothing”. I’m also waiting to hear back from a doctor about what kind of anti anxiety medication they will be switching me to. I’ve been on wellbutrin for depression, for about 2 and a half years now and I’m realizing it’s not working anymore (they’ve also referred me to a psychiatrist for further evaluation). That nauseous, anxious, miserable pit in my stomach is coming back again. I’m also trying to figure out what to do next to deal with fibromyalgia (I’ve been living with all the symptoms since I was about 14) and I also suspect I have a sleeping disorder. Aside from that, I’m struggling with my identity. I have no career path, I’m sick of photography and I don’t know what to do with my life. The other thing I’ve been bottling for years, is the fact that I have closeted my sexual interest in women. I’m in a healthy, happy, monogamous relationship with my boyfriend of 9 years. But I feel sexually confused and I recently admitted this to him. Which pained me to do so. I don’t want to ruin what we have. But I’m so lost.